Wife, who is now living with someone else just called asking money for pet supplies. They are my cats.?
Wife left me to be with someone else. She left me and my love for her, and are pets. Now her boyfriend has left her and she lost her job and needs food for the pets. Should I help her? I am a christian and my heart tells me to. I have been tring to save the marrage for over a year.
You have bigger issues than food for pets. Start addressing those bigger issues, and the little ones like this will fall into place. Your wife’s treatment of you demonstrates a lack of respect for you and for herself. You will not help her by treating her as though either of these things are acceptable to you. She needs a man in her life she can respect, and whose love for her is meaningful because he respects himself, and expects others to respect him. I strongly suggest a book called "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. Your Christian bookstore will have it. It is specifically addressed to the question of how to relate to an unfaithful spouse to maximize the possibility of saving the marriage. Accommodation is NOT the answer. You might also look at "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. You might also look at the book of Hosea in the Bible. Hosea marries a prostitute who returns to her old life. God tells him to go get her and bring her back. He does thi, but he does NOT pretend everything is back to normal again just because she is back. There are issues to be dealt with, and the marriage is not normalized until some time has passed. What you have been through is enormously difficult and would take a real emotional and psychic toll on anyone. I strongly suggest that you also consider talking with someone — a wise pastor, or an experienced marriage counselor — to get support and guidance in your choices. But be careful — there are many people giving bad advice. If the advice sounds wrong to you, it might be wrong.
July 2nd, 2010 at 3:10 pm
just go ahead and follow your heart. if you strongly feel that you really need to help her then go ahead…
but please, do not expect anything in return. It is always best to hope for the best and expect the worst… because the more you expect, the more hurt you will be when things don’t go they way you wanted.
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July 2nd, 2010 at 3:36 pm
You have bigger issues than food for pets. Start addressing those bigger issues, and the little ones like this will fall into place. Your wife’s treatment of you demonstrates a lack of respect for you and for herself. You will not help her by treating her as though either of these things are acceptable to you. She needs a man in her life she can respect, and whose love for her is meaningful because he respects himself, and expects others to respect him. I strongly suggest a book called "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. Your Christian bookstore will have it. It is specifically addressed to the question of how to relate to an unfaithful spouse to maximize the possibility of saving the marriage. Accommodation is NOT the answer. You might also look at "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. You might also look at the book of Hosea in the Bible. Hosea marries a prostitute who returns to her old life. God tells him to go get her and bring her back. He does thi, but he does NOT pretend everything is back to normal again just because she is back. There are issues to be dealt with, and the marriage is not normalized until some time has passed. What you have been through is enormously difficult and would take a real emotional and psychic toll on anyone. I strongly suggest that you also consider talking with someone — a wise pastor, or an experienced marriage counselor — to get support and guidance in your choices. But be careful — there are many people giving bad advice. If the advice sounds wrong to you, it might be wrong.
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Lots of stupid mistakes, lots of watching others’ stupid mistakes, years in psychology, and hundred of divorce cases as a family law attorney
July 2nd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Do what your heart tells you. Even if you do not reap from your kindness now, you certainly will later. You are a sweet man, with a good soul.
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